the wonderful circle that goes on and on… and if you’re anything like me, every now and then you find
yourself in that miserable state of complacency. soon enough the complacency
leads to boredom, from boredom to laziness, and laziness to feelings of pure
inadequacy…until finally, you find yourself sitting-once again-at the bottom of
that wretched, black hole, basking in
self-pity, telling yourself, ‘there’s
gotta be more to life than this!’ Why!? ‘ Why me?’ we ask…sad right? i sure think so. but this is
what we do and we do it to ourselves!
if i’m being honest, my so called ‘sorrows’
during these low times are pretty much self-inflicted.
i haven’t blogged since
Thanksgiving. i haven’t picked up my laptop to work on my novel since
ummm…can’t even remember. i haven’t committed to healthy eating habits. instead
i’ve stayed up late eating junk food, watching movies with the hubby, and
feeling like a nice big blob before
bed time. half the time i fall asleep in the living room and wake up at 2am
just to get in bed. i’ve barely
devoted time to playing my guitar, and i’ve barely
gone on two runs in the past few months. i’ll look at my Bible sitting on the
coffee table, but have barely opened it to really read in the past 2 months…and when i do find
the time to do any of these things, i don’t use it. i lay around contemplating ‘tomorrow’, 'the day' i will finally ‘get back into gear’ …but the
problem with 'tomorrow': ‘tomorrow’
never seems to come…sound familiar? it happens to the best of us.
my life has gone through quite a bit of change
in the past few months...some exciting times~ Costa Rica which was UNREAL~ but some
bittersweet changes like saying goodbye to the family i’ve nannied for for 2 ½
years. with scheduling & budget needs we realize despite the best efforts
to make it work, sometimes the ‘family & friendship’ aspect of a job like
mine and the ‘business’ aspect don’t always fit in the same box. it’s no one’s fault when it happens. so we
celebrated our last night together with a great sushi dinner for little Lea’s 4th
birthday and as of tomorrow, Thursday, i start with the 1st of 3 new
families (2 of which are temporary) talk about changing things up!
even though the Ercegs’ and i
will forever remain family, it was
still an emotional farewell for all of us…but my eyes are open with optimism
and i’m realizing more and more that i can only see so far ahead of myself,
where God sees it all…
i was 14 when multiple people in my life ( in that year) out of no where, would send me a letter or
card with the verse Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord; plans to prosper and
not harm you; to give you a hope and a future”…in the letter (or card)
they’d tell me: ‘The Lord put this verse on my heart for you, Naomi. i’ve clung
to this scripture, this promise from Him, for
about 14 years now and He’s never let me down so why do i find myself in this
place again, this black hole? i am weak.
still, i realize again, if not by Him and the strength that He has
promised me with that dependence on Him…then there in that black hole is where i remain~ unsatisfied and
complacent. mentally that is, because we still go about our lives right? just without the zest and inspiration & the big ‘L-O-V-E’ that we are all searching for; those things we
find our worth and purpose in. usually they are right in front of our face but
we can be too blind to see it. i look
around sometimes when i’m out and about and wonder how many people are actually
suffering inside. how many people feel like their lives are worthless and
unimportant. even if just for a day, these feelings take such a negative toll on our health and well being. so what’s the
remedy? for me, it came in the form of a song with lyrics from Isaiah, spoken by a child, spelling out what i
needed to be reminded of...
Isaiah 40
28: Have you never heard? Have you
never understood?
The LORD is
the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the
depths of his understanding.
29. He gives power
to the weak
and strength
to the powerless.
30. Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
31. But those who
trust in the LORD will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
a beautiful picture of a God who loves me more than i can ever understand …but climbing out of that hole was gonna take some effort and it had to start with a change in my attitude, the 'woe is me' attitude about life and things not
going the way i decided they should, when
they should. i had to get out of my own head and out of my own selfish and lazy
ambitions. i had to get up and DO what i should
be doing. take back my life by DOing the things that have always made my Life. we recently watched the
movie 50/50. have you seen it? true story about [actor] Seth Rogen’s best
friend. i can’t tell you what an
impression it left in my mind and heart. 27 years old and this poor guy finds
out he has a 50/50 chance of surviving a rare form of back cancer. he tells his
emotionless doctor how many things he’s never done in his life that he’s dreamt
of doing, that he’s never told a girl “I
love you”...he says: “I’m healthy” “I
don’t drink” “I don’t smoke” “I exercise” …do you know anyone that has been
dealt this card?
…this 'little' thing called LIFE. made me think-- how we so
easily take it for granted, but why!? why take it for granted when
it’s as fragile as it is. i’m realizing i don’t want to waste another second of
this fragile life by ‘not’ doing. we
all have gifts and talents to offer ourselves and the world. we know what we need to do to live healthy lives and we ALL have
purpose in Our Creator whether we want to believe it or not..i'll believe it for everyone! we were made
for so much more. we were made to see
and understand the spiritual and supernatural things which most of us don't but it doesn't change the fact that we were made to. it's not too late today, in this moment right now, but it might be tomorrow, or in 10 minutes from now...the fact of the matter is we truly never know when it's going to be our time. and LIFE is too short and too short to not understand why we are here and what we should be doing...
when i find myself lost in
meditative prayer, i always seem to rediscover my Joy. this morning my face
was drenched with tears as i imagined myself soaring high on the wings of an
eagle. i imagine myself for just a moment in the throne room of God, in all His
Glory, Love, and Holiness as my Father, my Maker..and then my whole body was overcome with goose bumps. i was instantly reminded of where i’ve come from…the birthplace of my soul.
there will come the day when
we all ‘cross-over’ and we will ‘remember’ then that it was always Home. we will all give an account for what we did on earth and how we 'spent' our lives. i want to be proud of myself and how i used my time when that day comes...
a dear friend, Heidi, who i've mentioned before in a post, sent me an email with a ‘well-being tracking
sheet’, that was sent to her by a friend in her women’s group. i revised it to
suit my individual goals for each week and taped it to the refrigerator so i
can check them off as i achieve them. the visual aspect of ‘seeing’ what I need
to be DO-ing should leave no more time
for laziness! :) if you’ve been like me and have
struggled to ‘get into gear’ try it
out with me!
i am learning just how important it is to be diligent in the things that i love doing and the things i simply need to do for my health,
and to carve the time out to do them. i’m finding that even things like our ‘hobbies’ ~the things that are ‘supposed’ to find their way naturally
into our schedules, sometimes need to be redirected and charted as ‘goals'. it’s
like the old saying: ‘if you don’t use
it, you lose it’. i know i don’t want to lose any hobby, gift, or talent
in this life. i want to gain all the ZEST out of Life that L-I-F-E [GOD] has to offer, but it is my responsibility to put forth
the effort and commitment in order to reap the rewards. so here's my well-being sheet for the week...at the end of every week i'll track my progress on a separate sheet, then erase and start over, likely adding news goals as they come...so don't wait! get going on yours! put it up on the fridge where people can see it and hold you to it! and please DO share! to all of you reading: i wish and pray upon you health and well-being- physically, mentally, emotionally, and most importantly~Spiritually! may you discover and rediscover the Joys of your precious life!
Be Blessed in LoVe,
Naomi Rose
